Genuinely Awkward

During a partially comatose, post-Thanksgiving doom-scrolling session, I came across an advertisement for an upcoming Netflix movie based on a 2007 video game called Bioshock. When it comes to video game adaptations, I follow a policy of guilty until proven innocent (or terrible until proven adequate.) I grew up in an era with cartoons based on Mario, The Legend of Zelda, Street Fighter, Kirby, and Sonic the Hedgehog that were great for an ignorant five year old but toxic upon closer reinspection as an adult. I do enjoy ’90’s ‘tude and cringe, but it all aged about as gracefully as me.

And I did not age well. I saw Sonic scarfing down chili dogs and thought they would help me run fast. The chili dogs did not help my running abilities. He ruined me.

One of the biggest fundamental issues with game-to-film adaptations is that video games are designed to be games. Their narrative and mechanics are based around an active player experience. Mario saying, “It’s a me,” “Wa-ha,” and “Let’s a go,” are fine as sound clips for a character who is mostly running and jumping without soliloquy. Link doesn’t need to say anything because he is an empty vessel for me to reside within while I complete puzzles and dungeons. Street Fighter is a fast-paced fighting game designed for fast, furious matches and did not mesh well with cartoons and films that were 70% dialogue and plot. Making such beloved characters into Saturday morning cartoons was nothing more than a shameless cash grab that failed to replicate what made the games so fun in the first place.

So am I biased against video game film adaptations? Yes. Of course. I’ve been hurt before.

Let’s talk about Bioshock. Was it a good game? Yes. Of course. It hurt me before, but in a good way. It was a fantastic game that absolutely messed with the concept of free will and player choice. The first game had one of the greatest twists of all time best summarized with the line, “A man chooses, a slave obeys.” Still gives me chills thinking of the first time I saw it. Experienced it. Realized that I suddenly had no control over my actions, even when the controller was in my hands.

However, the only reason the twist worked was because it was a video game. If you have never played Bioshock, you might be tempted to watch a stream or read a Wiki to get a summary of the plot. Stop right there. Don’t stream it. Don’t read about it. Play it. Live it. That is the intent. That is the point. And it will blow you away.

So if I take Bioshock and turn it into a movie and sprinkle in Big Daddies and Little Sisters and Rapture, it will be a Bioshock-like product. An imitation. Particularly if they base it off the first game and if they maintain the twist. If they do, it might be decent. It might even be pretty dang good. But if they maintain the original twist, it will only have a fraction of the impact and meaning. After all, if you watch a movie, you are already the slave unable to choose anything. Films don’t let you choose. “A man chooses, a slave obeys,” has no meaning in a film beyond being a cool line because your only choice when watching a film is whether or not to keep watching.

The only way the Bioshock film will be incredible will be if it abandons or overhauls the plot of the first game. It needs its own twist that directly targets the experience of watching a film. Any attempt to replicate the original twist will result in nothing more than crude imitation. You can put in as much effort as you want to make the film great, but without changes, it will always be inferior to the game. You failed before you even started by trying to mimic the intensity of a brutal gut-punch by showing people a picture of someone else being punched in the gut.

If you disagree with my points, allow me to quote 1989 cartoon Link:

“Excuuuuse me, Princess.”